Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
i now understand why vodka
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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