We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I didn't notice because vodka
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
