pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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