I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
