I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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