When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize