I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Randomize
