just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
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