**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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