Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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