finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
