just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
