You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
