Soap is not a condiment
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
