If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
We have started to decorate penises.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
