she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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