areolas are like halos for boobs.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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