He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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