Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
this hospital has no fireball
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
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