just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
