So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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