Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
