Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Your cock deserves a montage
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
