Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
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