Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
