Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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