Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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