I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Still dying that you shit outside
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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