theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
