Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
