Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
