you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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