I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize