He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
