it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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