I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
