I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
