He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
