garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
