alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
