Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
You can't motorboat a personality
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
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