I puked a lego.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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