That's when you crack a 10am beer
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
