So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i already hear my dad disowning me
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
