God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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