Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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