I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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