Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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