i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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