Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
