So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
