I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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