What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
