chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
