Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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