If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
