Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
