I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
