In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
