the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
