Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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