I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
