everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
