I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
