It's like God shit irony all over that family
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
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