I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
